saturday evening post

this week, i made a jar of pickles with friends.











i read a few breathtaking essays by marilyn robinson in the death of adam.

















ben and i played on the floor with a mirror and several hats.

i purchased a picture of a sparrow and an outfit with a superhero on it (for ben), handmade by my friends alicia and julie respectively.

i bought two pounds of tomatoes at the farmer's market with my sister emily.

i sat in the back yard with andrew and talked about church while it got dark, and then lit my hurricane lantern. the neighbor's cat went right up to our back door to see if she could get in.

i put five different colors of paint on the bedroom wall in search of the perfect gray and finally found it. it's the shade closest to the door frame. next week, dad comes over to help us paint the room.










we had a goodly week.

miracle on the high seas

andrew is coming home tonight, after being away all weekend. his flight from atlanta was delayed another couple of hours, meaning that he wouldn't be home in time to do ben's bath or put him to bed.

when i try to do the bath, it's something like england's navy versus the spanish armada. waves, wind, wrath, your general sturm und drang. i try to avoid doing the bath. and putting him to bed is an even worse tempest. but tonight, there was nothing else for it. i had to give the bath and put my usually squalling baby to bed.

but i take to my laptop to report a miracle. reader, there was neither sturm nor drang, instead there was a perfectly pleasant splashing in the tub, a tranquil pajama-ing, and a friendly and painless tuck-in. he gave an annoyed grunt when i put him in bed, then he rolled over, and went to sleep. i don't think elizabeth the first could claim a greater miracle when god blew spain's armada away from her coast line. there is rejoicing in my house tonight.

weekend of my discontent

on friday i officially took my name off the roster at unl for the fall semester. i know, i know, classes start next week, i waited until the last minute. i wasn't quite ready to tell my professors, not quite willing to let go of the chance. but finally, the bullet had to be bitten. and reader, it made me sad. a hausfrau ought to tell the truth, so the truth is, i felt the angst of the decision to stay home all over again.

as providence would have it, that same day, word came that there was a teaching job open at grace, and if i wanted, i could teach two classes there, starting wednesday. (speaking of the last minute.) anyway, "for five glorious seconds" i really thought i could take the job. i scrambled for child care, but mid-scramble, i thought, um, this is why i'm not enrolling this fall. because i want to be home with ben. so i said no to that, too. hard again. compounding the situation, i just found out that my decision to not teach is causing considerable hardship - i won't go into details - for a dear friend of mine on the faculty.

so tonight i'm glum. trying to do the right thing by my family, my friend, and myself, is particularly un-triumphant and un-simple right now. and one other feeling haunts me. guilt. because i have the economic privilege to be home. even wrestling with the issue makes me a person of privilege, because i can choose whatever i want, when many women have to set their wishes aside and provide for their families. like my friend does.

i'm coping with the blues by stenciling a lamp shade. if i could find the damn camera, i'd put up a picture of it, so you'd read this post expecting it to be about home decor, rather than being a long, loud whine.

hotel yorba cover

the world is heading in the right direction when a housewife from illinois rocks a white stripes tune better than the white stripes.

caron = cool.

oh i am not quite sleeping

i'm settled on the bed with a pile of pillows and a sweaty glass of ice water on the night stand. i'm too young to be this tired, this early (9:30) on a summer night.

sufjan stevens' come on feel the illinoise! seemed like the right music for the occasion. before sufjan stevens, there was slow music, there was soft music, there was sad music, but nothing that sounded slow, soft and sad, and was actually happy. it's weird, but it most certainly works.

ben and i are bachelors this weekend, as andrew's attending an old friend's wedding in georgia. a very schwa-schwa affair, i believe. so we're going to live large too, with pureed fresh peaches (ben) and woodchuck (me) in honor of the bride and groom. cheers to them. and may god keep us sane and peaceful until the man of the house returns.

two dear friends from iowa city were just here visiting tuesday and wednesday. we had lots of good talk (current events, books, food, the olympics - particularly all the complicated issues around china). it was stimulating and fun and when they left, it was weird all over again that we're never going back to our beloved iowa city. all those autumnal transitions are happening to other people, but not really to us. we have begun to live real life. cue the trumpet fanfare.

time to sleep.

be glad to see you later

going to the mountains. see you soon.