"low like the moon" and a digression on testicles as a euphemism for courage

when i was pregnant with ben, and scared that i wouldn't survive the rite of sleepless nights, i made a mix of music to get me through the wee small hours. never used it in the wee smalls, but i'm listening to it now. like music does, it takes me back to those raw, green days before he was born and i knew transformation was coming, but not what form it might take. he and i were both waiting to be born, back then. the phrase "with child" comes to mind...in a way, you come into the world with your child. and now we're learning to make four-word sentences. we can run around, we're very good with a spoon, we have sweat that smells like dusty grass, instead of the baby smell.

and now i'm going to be born one more time right along with another baby boy. i hope for a little gentler arrival this time. i can feel the change coming and i'm happy, but going back to the beginning requires a certain kind of bravery. (it takes balls, really. although "balls" brings the wrong connotation to mind altogether... why isn't there a word for maternal bravery? why don't we have a slang word for bravery referencing ovaries? as in, "wow, she's got ovaries"? the presence of testicles shouldn't be the euphemistic litmus test for courage. just a little linguistic detour, please excuse.)

and now it's late - can you tell? - and i should sleep, but i'm staying up to listen to music.

the wee small hours mix:

fuel for fire - m. ward
poughkeepsie - over the rhine
blue moon - cowboy junkies
keeping awake - the innocence mission
someday some morning - jeff tweedy and wilco
wait up - jeff tweedy and wilco
a thousand tiny pieces - the be good tanyas
midnight moonlight - the be good tanyas
god bless the child - billie holiday
i found a reason - cat power
the wind - cat stevens
hold on - david gray
low like the moon - jeff tweedy and wilco